Category: Gift Guide

The Crumpets and Bollocks Gift Guide 2015

Posted in 12 Days of Blogmas, Blog Hops, Bollocks, Christmas, Gift Guide, Holidays, Madhattery, Shopping2 Comments

Crumpets and Bollocks presents its 2015 Gift Guide... Ideas for stocking stuffers and gifts for kids and teens that aren't toys or video games, and so much more. Teachers, Secret Stash... Why do I have this feeling everyone is sick of gift guides? Yet most of you can’t resist to at least peruse it… I know I can’t. Gift guides are that light moths like to fly into. It will kills us, but oooh….

Maybe it’s just me. I’m a shop-a-holic. I have a huge addiction to shopping. When I was single, the worst thing I ever did was get a credit card to Victoria Secret, no that’s not the worst thing I did, but it was the worst thing I could do for myself… Now that I’m a mom, my kids are spoiled with a shit ton of toys because I. Can’t. Stop.

Last year, I blew 3 grand on Christmas because we had the money. Had I known one of my Facebook friends was homeless, I could have sent her a grand and saved my kids from affluenza, but I didn’t know because narcissism and shopping… Something to think about though… You don’t know which of your friends need help, but I’m sure someone does…

But apparently, shopping is a topic I’m kind of an expert at now… It’s like getting sex advice from a whore (which I can do that too, coming soon is Women of ILL Repute).

Gifts for Kids

Stocking Stuffers

  1. Golden Sparkle Unicorn Horn
  2. Oil Pastels
  3. Jewelry
  4. Happy Meal Toys you found unopened they forgot about
  5. Hand Sanitizer

Gifts that are NOT Toys

  1. Old School Popcorn Making Cart
  2. Crapalicious Mini Claw Machine
  3. Microscope / Telescope
  4. Roller Skates
  5. Real Art Supplies (not the toy boxed crap; no go to the canvas section of a craft store)

Gifts for Teenagers

Teenagers are difficult to purchase for; here are some ideas:

Stocking Stuffers

  1. Movie Tickets
  2. Socks with money rolled in them
  3. Lottery Scratch Offs
  4. Gigantic Gummy Bear
  5. Earbuds

Gifts that are NOT Video Games

  1. Boys — Hoodies / Girls — Sweaters with sleeves long enough to drape over hands
  2. Cologne: Boys — Issey Miyake (ee see mee ah kee) / Girls — Love Spell
  3. Manicure and Pedicure Sets (boys too, ever see men who should not be wearing sandals?)
  4. The Tao of Pooh (on account of hormones)
  5. Adult Coloring Books
  6. If you have like $600 to blow… Hoverboard

Gifts for Teachers

  1. An apple with homemade caramel dip
  2. A good book and books for the classroom
  3. Wine with this Label
  4. Instead of candy, opt for fruit basket
  5. Something your kids make that’s memorable

Gift Stash

My mother always kept a stash of odd gifts she finds on sale throughout the year. After Christmas, she shops the sales for next Christmas. But you want to keep some wrapped gifts you can give just anyone in case of Surprise! Sometimes people show up unannounced with gifts, and other times, you totally forgot to get something for that person you are just about to meet… Then of course, there’s those people: Are we exchanging gifts or not?

  1. A box of chocolates (the Christmas themed wrapped ones often go on sale at pharmacies like Rite Aid, CVS and Walgreens)
  2. An ornament
  3. Christmas Decor Items
  4. A popcorn tin
  5. Anything you find on sale that’s gender neutral

My TOP FAV’s for E-Books to E-Mail (it’s that easy)

Check Out My Pinterest Boards for More Ideas!

Follow Michelle Grewe’s board Gifts to Give Kids that are not Toys on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

Follow Michelle Grewe’s board Top Gifts Under $5 for Bulk Shopping and Stocking Stuffers on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

Follow Michelle Grewe’s board Kindle Books to Email as Gifts on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

Follow Michelle Grewe’s board DIY Gifts to Make on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

Follow Michelle Grewe’s board Gift Guides on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

This is part of 12 Days of Blogmas. For more, check out

Follow Girl on the Move’s board 12 Days of Blogmas on Pinterest.//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js

DON’T FORGET TO ENTER OUR GIVEAWAY!

Toys NOT to Get Kids as Gifts

Posted in Bollocks, Christmas, Gift Guide, Holidays, June Cleaver, Madhattery, ParentingLeave a comment

Dear Santa:
CC: family, friends, strangers, and asshole parents at the school who bring stuff to the party

I’m on my knees begging, pleading, that you show mercy for mom this year. If you must know what my children really want for Christmas, it’s stuff like cardboard boxes, paper towel cardboard thingy, plastic bins, and really expensive electronics. These are what my kids play with regardless of the thousands of dollars invested in toys that get dumped all over the floor so that my child can play with the bin.

The Barbie dolls are all nude missing not only a shoe, but the entire dress, which is probably in the corner of their closet doused in old dried up crusty ketchup with some Playdough chunk stuck to the skirt. I have a huge pile of puzzle pieces belonging to 3 different puzzles waiting for me to take the time to put them together to separate them. All the little pieces to the Dora House are scattered about the house, and when they are all in one place with the actual Dora Doll House, my kid doesn’t use them. She just opens the house, closes it, asks for help to close it, opens it again, asks for help to open it again, gets mad that I’m helping, opens it, closes it…

I have come to the conclusion that the people who design and manufacture toys do not have children, or they do and they just don’t spend much time with their children. They definitely do NOT clean up after children, and therein lies the problem.

Santa, you need to knock up your wife. And since you only work one day of the year, you should be the house bitch. Reproduce. Clean up the mess of reproduction. Then design your toys.

Until then, these are the toys that are my arch nemesis, and many other parents I’m sure will agree. Consider this a gift guide of what NOT to get people’s kids for Christmas unless you don’t particularly like those people (your naughty list I assume because you do play favorites).

I’ll be doing one on toys I’m getting my kids for Christmas, and a suggestive toys to get other people’s kids.

Thank you Santa.

Sincerely,

Dribbles N Grits

NOTE: It has come to my attention that Baby Sideburns has a similar list that she posted a year before this. I had no idea. I said I think other moms would agree somewhere, maybe just a draft, but I did say it, and I guess I’m right. I feel that this just strengthens my argument. So, if you need proof of what I’m saying here, check out Baby Sideburns at http://www.chicagonow.com/baby-sideburns/2012/11/what-not-to-fing-buy-my-kids-this-holiday/

I swear I never read that blog until AFTER I posted this. I didn’t even know she existed back then. It’s uncanny how two minds think alike sometimes. I’m sure she agrees that Santa needs to be the house bitch for a while.

AND I forgot to mention, PUZZLES. Please don’t buy my kid any fucking puzzles.

25 Gift Ideas for Him

Posted in Christmas, Funny Shit, Gift Guide, Holidays, MadhatteryLeave a comment

I never know what to get my husband for Christmas besides huge expensive things like an Xbox 1, yeah right, so here’s a list of less expensive, creative UNIQUE ideas for your mans, or craziest. Well most of them are less expensive. There is one I couldn’t resist.

They get better, and more practical, toward the end.


Prices subject to change as they are marked as they are at the time of writing this, and if the product is unavailable, google for more.